Why would a teen age boy
decide he didn’t want to live anymore?
What could have been so
bad? What could have gone so wrong?
My son told me the boy had
lots of friends.
He was an eagle scout.
I didn’t know him
yesterday.
Today, however, I know who
he WAS, because he
killed himself in my kids’ high school.
No matter where you are
right now, things could be a lot worse.
Be thankful. Be helpful.
Be flexible.
And try to be
compassionate.
Ann,
How surreal it all must be — sort of a headlines ripped right out of real life thing.
What I find both heartening and frightening is that all the kids are able to just go “back to normal.” While you don’t want them to be freaked out or suffer — what does it mean that a shooting in their school is only a blip on the radar and a classmate’s death is absorbed into “normal” school life?
And of course, the huge question is — why. As you stated in the first post — why would a kid who seemingly had it all together get so desperate and feel so alone?
And why did he choose to do it at school?
Answers that will probably never be fully found or understood. My heart goes out to his parents. This is going to be an awfully tough holiday season.
Thanks for the update. Glad your kids are coping well with it.
Drew
Drew:
Aside from the police presence at the school, the fact that they’re searching bags, and that they have a little tighter policy on how you come an go, things are oddly returning to normal.
Today was the first full day of school. I can’t speak for others, but my kids (two in the high school and one in the middle school) seem to be getting on ok. They didn’t really know Shane, though.
My one son was just leaving the Science hall (where Shane started shooting) when the first shots were fired. He was about 50 feet away. He turned and saw the boy’s back and then ran when he realized he had a gun. He went to his next class where he spent the next couple of hours (as did the entire school district) in lock down. My daughter was home sick with all her friends texting her non-stop.
The school was repaired and cleaned up the day after the shooting (there was no school the day after). The kids went in for about 3 hours on Thursday and then a half day (about 4 hours) on Friday. Police were there. Counselors were there. Kids brought flowers and put things by the flag pole.
What can you do? What’s done is done and life does have to go on.
This is a tough lesson for the kids, but then again it’s a tough lesson for all of us.
Thanks for leaving your thoughts!
Ann
PS – you know an odd thing I realized is that communication from the school (they were great BTW) had to be fast because all of our kids have cell phones – we were already hearing about shots before the school could say anything.
Ann,
I read this when you first posted it and meant to leave a comment. The image of a “good” kid killing themselves is haunting isn’t it? Friends, Eagle Scout..etc. If he could be that vulnerable, then our kids could be too.
I came back to see if you’d posted an update and as I was looking for it, realized there isn’t a suitable one.
Even if he left a note, we won’t really be able to understand.
I think it strikes at the cold hard fear most of us parents have — what if I don’t know as much as I think I do? Or what if what we’re doing isn’t enough?
My heart goes out to his family and to all the teenagers who are struggling with the same sorts of emotions. Hopefully they’ll find a better path.
Drew
I suppose. It’s just not as predictable as we would think. As parents we certainly need to know and spend time with our kids, but sometimes that isn’t enough. Sometimes apparently happy, healthy, well-adjusted people – aren’t.
I certainly understand a teen-ager feeling like they want to die (I’ve been there). It often sucks being a teen-ager – it’s really hard. It’s just the “actually doing it” part that I don’t get.
You know Ann, as hard as it is to believe, as parents, we shouldn’t be so mind-boggled by the why.